‘Oh my, what a day. Humans can be so thick. Their assessment of certain situations is so slow. Also, their ability to turn something simple into something complicated is absolutely staggering.
The day started as per usual. All was well in my world. My daiIy routine went as per normal. I like routine. It makes life safe and comforting.
Today, everything went fine. It wasn’t until somewhere in the afternoon that I started to realize that something was wrong. Something smelled wrong.
In case of doubt, always follow your nose, and in this case it had a strong reptilian scent to it.
Reptilian equals Bad.
Despite this, The Elegant Lady did put on her gumboots in order to go for a walk. She likes wearing her gumboots in summer, because she is afraid of snakes. She thinks those high, cloncky boots will give her some protection if she were to step on a snake.
Yeah, as if….
So, here She was, boots and all, urging me to go with her. Again, going for a walk in the afternoon is something we usually do. It is part of my daily routine, which I greatly value. Nevertheless, today I was sitting safely behind the screen door, trying to work out the level of danger to which She seemed oblivious. The scent was by now very strong and I was not at all keen to go out. Despite her fear of snakes, the scent and my hesitance, She still didn't get it. Noooo, instead, She opened the screen door and waited for me to come out. I didn’t want to go outside! What was She thinking? Nevertheless, She bent down and tried to pull me outside. I completely tensed up, and whilst being bent over, she peered between her legs. That’s when She spotted him. He was right behind her, between the pot plants. (I have to give it to them: they do know how to blend in.)
She reacted as if stung by a bee. She screamed something unintelligible, jumped INSIDE and closed the door, leaving me OUTSIDE, right in front of a huge snake.
I was stunned. I mean, it is not as if he was a great threat to her, boots or no boots. He was a big snake, but humans are still way to big for him to eat. Me, however, was the perfect size for a tasty, little snack.
Out came The Gentle Man to the rescue. He swooped outside (on his bare feet; no boots), scruffed me and whisked me back inside.
The Elegant Lady was still whimpering.
He called out for a tube. She came with a plastic tube.
‘Nono, wrong tube.’
‘But I don’t know what you want’, she whined.
‘You look after the snake, and I’ll go and get it. DON’T let him out of your sight’.
So, there She was, looking rather frightened, whilst He made what appeared to be a snake catcher. I am by now confused: I sure don’t want them to catch a snake. Kill it, yes, but why catch it? Surely we don’t want to keep him? Or maybe they’ll eat him? But no, they normally don’t catch their meat; they buy it instead.
Meanwhile, He came out with a metal tube that had a piece of rope poking out of one end to form a loop. He was also carrying a box. (I have to say I really didn’t know what this was all about. What’s wrong with simply swiping the snake really hard with a clawed paw? I mean, I was too small for this snake, but The Gentle Man is big enough. Oh, of course – they have this anatomical flaw, characteristic of lesser mammals, non-retractable claws, that I think they refer to as “nails”).
Snakes are not very smart, and this one was no exemption. He simply slid his head through the loop, without so much as a hint that he noticed anything was wrong. The Gentle Man tightened the loop and wrestled him into the box. To my great relief, the Humans didn’t take the box inside. Instead, They put it in the car and drove away. Hah, I was hoping he’d get carsick.
Anyway, I could breathe a bit easier now the scent in the house returned to normal. The Humans returned, with an empty box. From their conversation I understood that They had released him in a forest, far, far away. It appears that The Gentle Man had stayed true to his nature. He had let the snake live, because he saw no reason to kill it. It took a long and complicated procedure, but hey, that’s humans for you.
We survived the crisis and all I have to do now, is some serious grooming. I’ll also pester Them for some extra biscuits. In my humble opinion I definitely deserve pampering, pandering and cuddles….’