Thursday, 23 January 2014

Muppet and Weasel, part 1

"I have noticed that there are two more cats here at Bat End. Sometimes I hear them walking past the granny-flat. I usually rush to the door (which seems to be closed all the time) and call out to them in my cutest chirrup. I am sooo looking forward to meeting them and, of course, playing with them. The Elegant lady looks at me. She is worried. She doesn't think they are going to like me. She told me that Muppet is a handsome male; gray, with a white collar and black lines around his large eyes. She also told me that he had a sad kittenhood and wasn't properly cared for. Catwoman took him in, but Weasel, the other cat, hates him. He now walks around with a permanently startled look on his face. Weasel is the resident matriarch. She is a black and white fluffy lady, also called 'Hairy Beast'. She likes Catwoman, cars, men and dirty laundry. You can also find her on the toilet looking for fresh water to drink.
According to the Elegant Lady, she does not like sharing. 
I don't know why she is so worried. In all my 10 weeks I haven't met a cat or a human that doesn't like me. My mum loved and nursed me, with my siblings I played and huddled, and humans usually found me irresistibly cute. I mean, what can go wrong?
Catwoman however, seems to share Elegant Lady's concern. In order to prove it, she read out an excerpt from some old diaries she reckons were written by Muppet:

Day 25 at Bat End: 

'Weasel hit me. Again..'

Day 26: 

'Weasel swiped me as she strolled past. She always wants to hurt me...'

Day 27: 

'The day started so well. Did a really cool game and Catwoman was proud of me. But then Weasel cornered me and bashed me up.'

Day 28: 
'Weasel hit me. It really hurt'

Day 29:

'Hiding under the bed. Weasel still found me and hit me. Feeling sad.'

'Muppet', when happy!

However, she also read me a few pages of Weasel's diary:

'This is my 25th day on top of the kitchen cupboard. Something disastrous has happened. One day (25 days ago that is) MY Catwoman came home with a little ball of fluff. He is white and gray, with large eyes lined with eyeliner, and a little smudge of cream on his nose. She said he was being mistreated at his previous home. I noticed the gooey look in her eyes though, and my heart just plummeted. This is MY house and MY human and no fluff-ball shall take that from me. I think I'll go down and teach him who's boss.'

'This is day 26 on the kitchen cupboard. Catwoman had a guest over for lunch. This lady went all 'Oooh and Aaah' over the new fluff-ball. I feel absolutely nauseated. I remember this lady. She used to go 'ooh and aah' over me, but no, not today. I did get my own back though. I waited untill both women were gone, and got down from the cupboard. I just 'casually' walked past 'Mr Fluff' and swiped him. Didn't see that coming, the stupid git, eh?!. Feel a bit better now.'

'What!?' 'My nap got interrupted on what must be day 27 on the cupboard. There is the noise of something thundering through the house. I cautiously peered over the rim of the cupboard and my heart took a nosedive. Nooo! I'm in shock. Disbelief. I closed my eyes and shook my head, but when I opened them, the scene and the sound were still the same. 'Fluff-ball' was racing through the house after the 'Red Dot'. He was completely absorbed by the game, eyes shining! Catwoman looked ever so pleased. This is outrageous! She is MY woman, not his. Mark my words: 'he'll pay for this...''


So, is Catwoman actually trying to tell me that her cats are NOT going to adore me? I can't wrap my tiny kitten-brain around that. Surely she must be wrong. No, Muppet and Weasel are going to love me, you'll see...."